When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize
