he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Randomize
