when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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