How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Randomize
