My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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