It was confusing and full of hummus
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
