I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
