Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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