someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
