I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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