Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Randomize
