No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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