I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Randomize
