I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
