Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
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