so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Randomize
