The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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