Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
