i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
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