what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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