I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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