yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
