but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
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