peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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