I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
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I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
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Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
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