At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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