My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Randomize
