all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
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