Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
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