I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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