Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Randomize
