i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
You smell like a Billy Joel song
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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