Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
