hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.