Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
Khloé Kardashian Finally Speaks Out About The Tristan Thompson Cheating Scandal
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
15 Porn Memes You’re Only Allowed To Laugh At If You’re Over 18
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this