I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
Keanu Reeves Photobombed A Couple’s Wedding Photos As A Perfect Gift
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
29 Married People Share What They Used To Find Cute About Their SO—But Now Find Infuriating
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
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