Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
my poor anus
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