guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Randomize
