what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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