I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
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