I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
