i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
