I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
