you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
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