My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
It was confusing and full of hummus
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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