Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
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