When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
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