dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
she peed on how many people?
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Randomize
