You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
