I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
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