...so i touched it.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
