think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
