I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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