Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
I need moral support for this bender
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
