he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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