i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
false alarm, still single
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
