out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Randomize
