he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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