I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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