this beer tastes like vomit already
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
