True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Life without a bra equals bliss.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Randomize
