I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Randomize
