It's like God shit irony all over that family
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
