why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
The police scanner is talking about you again....
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Randomize
