he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
