the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
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