6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
