I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
even my farts smell like vagina
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize
